


Homestuck Oneshots by TheRickMachine

by TheRickMachine



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Because I Need To Get Better With Writing As Actual Trolls Before I Show My Stuff To The Public, Drabble, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Humanstuck, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, idk - Freeform, smut????, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-02 04:19:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8651008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRickMachine/pseuds/TheRickMachine
Summary: Just a bunch of Homestuck Drabbles. Enjoy.





	1. Author's Note

So, yes.

This is just a bunch of oneshots.

I will do any pairing that I can work with.

Smut warnings will be at the beginning of the chapter that contains said smut.

I will take requests.

Only rule; I will not fulfill any super weird kinks. I do have limits, you know.


	2. Sick Day With The Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane Crocker up with the worst scratchy throat, a headache, and the chilly feeling of being absolutely freezing despite the heater being on. The bed was empty except for her, so that was something she could be a bit grateful for. At least her girlfriends wouldn't bother the dickens out of her. Oh, was she wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes, this is going to just be fluff. Pure fluffiness. :3

Jane Crocker woke up with the worst scratchy throat, a headache, and the chilly feeling of being absolutely freezing despite the heater being on. The bed was empty except for her, which normally she would not be so happy about. But since she was sick, this was also that was something she could be a bit grateful for. At least her girlfriends wouldn't bother the dickens out of her. Oh, was wrong.

The sick girl pulled herself out of bed, and sniffled due to her terrible runny nose. She stumbled out of the bedroom and down the hall of the shared apartment. Roxy was on the couch, sipping on her morning martini, and Calliope was in the kitchen making breakfast. Roxy was sporting her mid-thigh length black pajama shorts and her white tee shirt with a pink cat face on it, her hair already being carefully styled despite the pajamas. Calliope was in her lime green hoodie with the silvery-blue cadecus on it, and fuzzy dark green pajama bottoms. Her fluffy dyed-white hair was pinned back so it wouldn't get in the way of her cooking. From the look and smell of it, she was making Jane and Roxy's favorites; pancakes with chocolate chips. Ah, she knew her girlfriends so well. Jane herself was in her white tee shirt with a little blue slime monster on it, and a pair of pajama shorts matching Roxy's.

Jane made her way into the kitchen, pretending not to be sick.

"Good morning, love," Calliope greets her, cheerfully.

Jane gives her a small smile, and says with a hoarse throat, "Good morning, Dear."

Roxy looked up at Jane with concern. She wasn't all that hammered yet, so she was able to speak clearly as she asks, "You okay, Janey? Your throat sounds a little sore."

Oh fiddlesticks, her cover's been blown. Hm....maybe she can salvage this a bit.

"I'm perfectly fine, Rox. Fresh as a dai--" she goes to say, before being cut off by a horrible coughing fit.

And let the fussing Olympics begin. Calliope quickly turned off the stove so the food wouldn't burn, and rushed Jane over to the couch. Roxy had downed the rest of her martini, set the glass in the sink, and then went to get the medicine. Calliope sat Jane on the soft brown-colored couch, and swaddled her up in a nest of blankets. Jane tried to protest all the care, but she started to get a terrible migraine that just cut her off with a whimper as she held her head. Roxy returned with the fever medicine as well as some migraine medicine upon Calliope's request. Jane took the medicine, holding her head as she waited for it to kick in. Calliope went to finish up the breakfast and make Jane some tea, while Roxy took it upon herself for cuddle duty. The Lalonde crawled into the blanket nest with the Crocker. Then, she wrapped her mocha-colored legs around the ivory-skinned girl's waist, her arms hugging her around her middle. Jane snuggled up into Roxy's chest, whimpering due to her headache. Calliope soon returned with food and tea. Jane ate and drank the replenishing substances, feeling a bit better afterwards. 

Throughout the day, Roxy and Calliope took shifts in cuddling and caring for Jane. The cuddler and Jane would lay in the blanket nest on the couch, and watch Cake Wars or other baking reality TV shows on Netflix, often with Jane drinking tea while the cuddler pet and messed with her hair or traced patterns on her slightly pudgy stomach through her shirt. By the end of the day, Jane was doing much better, but still in dire need of cuddles. Roxy and Calliope were more than happy to oblige their girlfriend. So now, they are all lying down on their large bed, underneath a big, fluffy blanket. Jane, being the smallest out of the three, was lightly sandwiched between Roxy and Calliope. Roxy had her arms wrapped around Jane's midsection and her legs around her waist. Calliope, being the largest and slenderest out of the three, had her spindly and soft-skinned arms wrapped around Jane and Roxy, and her long, dark-skinned legs tangled with Jane's shorter ones. Roxy pecked Jane's lips, not caring if she got sick. Calliope lightly turned Jane's head so she could do the same, and then she pecked Roxy's lips too. Jane smiled when she received the kisses from her beloved girlfriends. Finally, they settled for a nap with Roxy's lips pressed to Jane's forehead, and Calliope's face buried in Jane's fluffy hair.


	3. It's a Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is to all my buddies on Chatzy. Yeah. I'm talking about you guys.

Your name is DIRK STRIDER and you are freaking the fuck out.

Why are you losing your shit? Well the answer to that is quite simple. You just asked Jake English, the dork-lord of the universe, to go on a date with you. And he said yes. This is how the situation played out;

It was very late. And you couldn't fall asleep. Mostly because you've been working up the nerve to message Jake for the last few hours. Finally, at midnight, you get the fucking balls to do it.

-timaeusTestified [TT] started pestering golgohasTerror [GT] at 24:00-

TT: Hey, Jake.  
GT: Ello dirk!  
GT: By golly its late.  
GT: What can i do for you ole chum?  
TT: Well, I was wondering.  
TT: Maybe you'd like to catch a movie some time?  
TT: You know...Like a date?  
GT: Why boy howdy dirk!  
GT: I'd love to!  
TT: Okay, cool. Meet you there at 2:00 P.M., tomorrow?  
GT: Sounds great! See you then!

-timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgohasTerror [GT] at 24:05-

You've got yourself a date with Jake fucking English.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Your name is JAKE ENGLISH and you are very fucking nervous and excited.

Because you are going on a date with Dirk Strider. You bounce on the balls of your heels, donning your usual outfit. You got there a little bit early. And by a little bit, you mean fifteen minutes early. Finally, Dirk appears by your side at 2:00 sharp. You flash him a buck-toothed smile.

"Hello dirk!" you chirp.

A faint smile pulls the corner of his mouth up. His hands are in his pockets.

"Hey, Jake. Glad that you made it."

"Of course id make it! Wouldnt skip out on an opportunity like this."

"Heh. I'm glad. So, what kind of movie should we check out?"

"An action film sounds jolly good about now."

"Alright then. Let's go get our tickets."

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Your name is DIRK STRIDER and you are trying your best to keep your cool.

Jake is currently getting some popcorn and soda from the concession stand, and you are getting the tickets. Knowing Jake, you get tickets to the shittiest looking action movie there is. When you get the tickets, Jake has a tub of popcorn, an orange soda, and a cola in his arms. You curse that buck-toothed smile of his. It's really not helping you keep your cool. You walk with him to the theater, taking the orange soda off his hands. You and him idly chat while you walk. When you get to the theater room, it's mostly empty. You and him get seats in the middle row. The movie soon starts.

You spend the duration of the movie watching Jake. How his eyes sparkle while watching, the way he's completely captivated by the absolutely shitty plot. Hell, you even pay attention to how he sits on the very edge of his seat at moments that are supposed to be intense. Luckily, your shades hide your stare. About half way through the movie, you decide on something. You gently hold Jake's hand, lacing your fingers in his.

His cheeks flare a light pink, and he gives your hand a light squeeze in return. This causes your own cheeks to be dusted with a similar hue. You turn your attention to the movie.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Your name is JAKE ENGLISH and you feel your heart racing in your chest.

Dirk is holding your hand as you and him walk out of the movie theater. It's about 5:00 P.M.

"Hey, Jake? You wanna go get some food?" he asks.

You nod, smiling. "That sounds like a jolly good idea!"

A faint smile plays his lips, and he adds, "Tacos or something?"

"Sure!"

~~~

You and Dirk soon arrive at a small taco joint, not to far away from your apartment. After five minutes, yours and his orders are taken. Almost twenty minutes later they are given. Despite you two being the only two customers. It's kinda annoying.

About half way through your meal (Dirk and you have been going back and forth with banter and jokes), you make the smart move of snorting while you're drinking your cola. And end up getting it all over the table. Fuck.

You're expecting Dirk to comment on how gross that was. Or leave. But no, he doesn't do that.

He laughs. And that is something you haven't heard before. It makes heat rise to your cheeks. His laugh is clear and rich, with a small snort here and there. And you can't help but laugh along.

~~~

After an hour or so, and a leisurely walk that includes aimlessly looking at stars and rambling about bullshit, you and Dirk arrive at your apartment.

"Boy howdy that was a lot of fun!"

"It sure was. We should do that again sometime. What do you say, Jake?"

You flash a grin at him. "Id love to!"

"Great. I'll send you the info over Pesterchum. Goodnight."

Before you could say anything in return, Dirk lightly presses his lips to yours. Your eyes widen at this, and your face burns a brilliant red. Dirk's lips are surprisingly soft, and mold with yours perfectly.

All too soon, he pulls away, and walks off to go home. And you just feel like your mind and heart exploded.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Your name is DIRK STRIDER and you feel like you're on top of the world.


End file.
